American Gothic

I feel like a goth right now....


Cause I'm actually depressed.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Ben...I'll be honest with you...

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There was only one t.v. show based on a classic game.

I'll Trade You One Slogan for Two Mottos

Current life makes it difficult to define yourself in a phrase.  With so many things important, how can we sum up who we are in one sentence?

Easily, that's how.

All you need?  A motto, or a slogan.

"I'll play any game to get attention.  That's my motto.....and it's my slogan."

How complicated we make things.

Manhood Measured

What is the difference between being a man and a boy? Is it actions, a magic age, or is it a process that occurs over a spread of time? We attempted to answer these questions when one student said his 18th birthday was coming up this weekend.

To this, one gentleman, aged 15, said...

"I don't think I'm a man yet."

To which Mr. Anonymous said...

"Well....do you have pubic hairs yet? Cause if you do, you're a man."

Another life question answered. Yes...manhood can be shaved away.

Survival of the Fittest

"If I was to eat something in the wild to survive, it would be a reticulated python."

Me too.

A Shitty Blog

Athletics then academics. He is no exception. In fact, in middle school, he tried his hand, and body, at wrestling. His coach taught him so much, like they all do.

"When I was in wrestling...my coach used to say shit.  Like....'hey....do ten shitty push-ups.'"

And then we talked about the equestrian team. In fact, one girl told us about how she is going riding tomorrow. And then she left the room and he said.....

"Do you think that girl could ride a zebra?"

As a matter of fact I do.  Stars and Strips Forever.

untitled 9 aka i'm not a bitch

if you are failing all your classes, there are usually one or two women in your life that will "encourage" you.  our hero has one or two of these women; his counselor and his mother.  unfortunately, the encouragement is perceived as nagging. the fruits of that conversation are as follows.

Him: Ben, i really got to talk to you...in the hall.

me: what seems to be the problem?

Him: I'm being nagged

me: are you being nagged, or do you think people are just trying to help you?

Him: I feel like i'm being nagged and being picked on and i'm being picked on and i don't like being made into a bitch. i mean..i feel like there nagging me every single couple of days and its really annoying me. i'm not a bitch you know.

no sir, you are not.

and then later,

me: your hair looks good today, did you comb it?

him: yeah...a couple of days ago i did. thanks. it does look good.

a man after my own heart.

Untitled 8 aka Can You Hear Me Now

This Sunday's sermon centered on the word death and what that means in our lives. So I was pleasantly surprised when, on Monday, Anonymous considered his own mortality, as well as the mortality of others.

"If I was ever to die in an explosion, you know who I'd want to take with me? The Verizon Wireless guy.  Cause people would say "'too bad Anonymous died in that explosion, but at least he took that Verizon bastard with him.'"

And...

"If I ever saw a wild animal that came up and attacked me, I'd fight it till it was dead.  But I'd also start easy...with a bobcat."

We ended the day with a million dollar idea. Unfortunately, it wasn't his. However, He took it to a whole new level.

"I saw this really handy idea. A guy put 12 glow-sticks in a blender. He said 'don't try this at home,' but it looked like a handy idea. I mean, it started to glow. Like if the power goes out and you have a battery operated blender.....Walah, a lantern."

And on the eve of super tuesday...a politically inspired message.

"Most of the kooky people in the world live in America. Reasons...because we are in a war. Two, soccer moms of America. Three, drugs. Four, are we even ready for a mormon president?"

Untitled 7 aka Rat-A-Tat aka A Sign of the Times

Did you know...

"A rattail is a mullet........there are different types you know."

-Anonymous, after lamenting the loss of his own mullet.

On Hatred...

"I hate Hitler, I even hate Nazi's.  Even if they were brainwashed, I'd make a sign that says 'Stop Being Nazi's'"

-Anonymous

Untitled 6 aka Cool as a Cucumber aka Man's Best Friend

"Nobody was cool back in elementary school.......until......they came out with Pokemon cards."

-Anonymous

So that's what I'm missing.

"My mom went grocery shopping last night.  Speaking of that, my ma is doing fine, but my dog is not."

-Anonymous

A sad day for anyone. Unless you have Mortal Combat to fall back on. The redemptive power of video games. We could all learn a thing or two.

Untitled 5 aka Queen for a Day

At the age of 17, Mr. Anonymous is becoming a man, and Rock and Roll is the catalyst. The greatest inspiration? The sounds of a Freddy Mercury led Queen. Suffice it to say, Queen is the subject of many conversations, both one and two sided. 

Example 1 aka Dance Fever

"This song sounds gothic, but it sounds so badass. I can hardly resist the beat."

Example 2 aka Twins?

"You know Ben, I'm thinking about becoming the new Freddy Mercury. I mean, I'm not gay and i don't have AIDS, but if you look at my face, you can tell."

Example 3 aka Gaydar?

"You know, I could tell by his voice, Freddy Mercury was gay."

Magician or gamer? You make the call.

Untitled 4 aka A Pickle for Your Thoughts

Staring down the barrel of the weekend, Mr. Anonymous paced, turned, and fired. The words shot from his mouth and pierced the ears of all around. This vigilante had found his mission. He was about to attempt a change of school policy: the administration of OTC medication, also referred to as ibuprofen. All was going as planned, until...

"I went and talked to the principal today, and we still have a pickle to solve."

Shot down.

To tide things over until monday, a classic conversation.

Anonymous: "Looks like I threw a little out over there."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Anonymous: "Over there on the floor, I threw a little out."

Me: "Huh??????"

Anonymous: "I burped and a little something came out. But don't worry, I cleaned it up."

Truth. Confession. Gamer.

Untitled 3 aka An American Hero Speaks

A Conversation.

Anonymous: "I've got an entertaining headline for ya Ben. 'Postal II Blamed in Arson.'"

Me: "Is Postal II a video game?"

Anonymous: "Yes."

Me: "Do you think it had anything to do with the arson?"

Anonymous: "No."

Me: "Is it one of those shoot 'em and kill 'em type games?"

Anonymous: "No, its mission based."

Me: "Are the missions to shoot and kill people?"

Anonymous: "Well, yeah."

And now to feed the need. A classic quotation from the Prime Minister of the Playstation nation. Or maybe two.

"You know what I'm gonna do with this American Flag sticker? Put it on my PS2, because I love America, God dammit."

and finally....

"Did you know on the Osama Bin Laden videos, I could tell there were bloopers?"

These have been The True Confessions of a Self-Proclaimed Gamer.

Untitled 2 aka Confessions of a True Gamer

So often we use the words of others to enlighten a situation. However apropos the quote may be, it very rarely recognizes the circumstances in which the sayer was speaking. 

The quotes you read, all from the same anonymous, are very unique. There are no circumstances, they simply occur; without warning and without prompting, these words of wisdom enter (and exit) the airspace without any context except, they are...

True Confessions of a Self-Proclaimed Gamer.

Some are current, some from the past. I will do my best to transcribe them accurately 

So without further ado, today I heard....

"By the way, did you hear I had my first fatality on Mortal Combat 2 days ago?"

and later.....

"Did you know, 'The Devil Went Down to Georgia' is actually a very compelling story?"

and I finished my day with....

"Oh....when I was in the health office earlier, some guy threw up.  I told him 'get well;' I'm a nice guy."

And one from the past....

"Last year, I almost got a roundhouse kick to the face.  Luckily, the guys shoe fell off.  Even if it didn't, I probably could have dodged it.  I have really good hand-eye coordination from gaming."

--anonymous

Untitled 1

"I've spent a lot of time thinking about this...and if I was ever drafted into war, you know what I would do?

Badass it."

--anonymous

And So It Begins

Just as all good things must come to an end, all good things must also begin.

And thus...the start of weblogging for Benjamin.