Survival of the Fittest

"If I was to eat something in the wild to survive, it would be a reticulated python."

Me too.

A Shitty Blog

Athletics then academics. He is no exception. In fact, in middle school, he tried his hand, and body, at wrestling. His coach taught him so much, like they all do.

"When I was in wrestling...my coach used to say shit.  Like....'hey....do ten shitty push-ups.'"

And then we talked about the equestrian team. In fact, one girl told us about how she is going riding tomorrow. And then she left the room and he said.....

"Do you think that girl could ride a zebra?"

As a matter of fact I do.  Stars and Strips Forever.

untitled 9 aka i'm not a bitch

if you are failing all your classes, there are usually one or two women in your life that will "encourage" you.  our hero has one or two of these women; his counselor and his mother.  unfortunately, the encouragement is perceived as nagging. the fruits of that conversation are as follows.

Him: Ben, i really got to talk to you...in the hall.

me: what seems to be the problem?

Him: I'm being nagged

me: are you being nagged, or do you think people are just trying to help you?

Him: I feel like i'm being nagged and being picked on and i'm being picked on and i don't like being made into a bitch. i mean..i feel like there nagging me every single couple of days and its really annoying me. i'm not a bitch you know.

no sir, you are not.

and then later,

me: your hair looks good today, did you comb it?

him: yeah...a couple of days ago i did. thanks. it does look good.

a man after my own heart.

Untitled 8 aka Can You Hear Me Now

This Sunday's sermon centered on the word death and what that means in our lives. So I was pleasantly surprised when, on Monday, Anonymous considered his own mortality, as well as the mortality of others.

"If I was ever to die in an explosion, you know who I'd want to take with me? The Verizon Wireless guy.  Cause people would say "'too bad Anonymous died in that explosion, but at least he took that Verizon bastard with him.'"

And...

"If I ever saw a wild animal that came up and attacked me, I'd fight it till it was dead.  But I'd also start easy...with a bobcat."

We ended the day with a million dollar idea. Unfortunately, it wasn't his. However, He took it to a whole new level.

"I saw this really handy idea. A guy put 12 glow-sticks in a blender. He said 'don't try this at home,' but it looked like a handy idea. I mean, it started to glow. Like if the power goes out and you have a battery operated blender.....Walah, a lantern."

And on the eve of super tuesday...a politically inspired message.

"Most of the kooky people in the world live in America. Reasons...because we are in a war. Two, soccer moms of America. Three, drugs. Four, are we even ready for a mormon president?"

Untitled 7 aka Rat-A-Tat aka A Sign of the Times

Did you know...

"A rattail is a mullet........there are different types you know."

-Anonymous, after lamenting the loss of his own mullet.

On Hatred...

"I hate Hitler, I even hate Nazi's.  Even if they were brainwashed, I'd make a sign that says 'Stop Being Nazi's'"

-Anonymous

Untitled 6 aka Cool as a Cucumber aka Man's Best Friend

"Nobody was cool back in elementary school.......until......they came out with Pokemon cards."

-Anonymous

So that's what I'm missing.

"My mom went grocery shopping last night.  Speaking of that, my ma is doing fine, but my dog is not."

-Anonymous

A sad day for anyone. Unless you have Mortal Combat to fall back on. The redemptive power of video games. We could all learn a thing or two.

Untitled 5 aka Queen for a Day

At the age of 17, Mr. Anonymous is becoming a man, and Rock and Roll is the catalyst. The greatest inspiration? The sounds of a Freddy Mercury led Queen. Suffice it to say, Queen is the subject of many conversations, both one and two sided. 

Example 1 aka Dance Fever

"This song sounds gothic, but it sounds so badass. I can hardly resist the beat."

Example 2 aka Twins?

"You know Ben, I'm thinking about becoming the new Freddy Mercury. I mean, I'm not gay and i don't have AIDS, but if you look at my face, you can tell."

Example 3 aka Gaydar?

"You know, I could tell by his voice, Freddy Mercury was gay."

Magician or gamer? You make the call.